I apologize. My mind has been a little pre-occuppied lately.
And not about what you think.
About other things. About scary things. Spooky things. Things with magical and creepiful powers.
And quite frankly, I don’t want to think about anything else. Which is why my kitchen and living rooms are a mess.
Which is why I’m wearing a tank top that doesn’t match my skirt.
Which is WHY I started crying in Home Depot, in front of the Handy Helper Guy.
I was trying to explain to Mr. Woo about my big plans for Halloween. Plans that I can’t tell you about just yet. I want it to be a surprise. I’ll show you on Monday. Promise. Just know they are HUGE PLANS. For my yard. And yours, if you’re so inclined. But anyway, back to the story.
So Mr. Woo and I are standing in the PVC Pipe Aisle at Home Depot. And I (the artist) am trying to have a serious CRUCIAL conversation with him (the practical engineer) about something ENORMOUS I’d like us to construct. Meanwhile, the 2 year old has removed all the Lanyards from the end cap and placed them on her neck while she does summer sault-ish type maneuvers. The 10 year old and the 7 year old are screaming at the top of there lungs in a argument that is about to come to blows, and the 5 year old is sitting in the shopping cart pleading to get out, while the rest of us ignore her.
Me: Okay Warwick. I want it to look like this. REALLY HUGE. GIGANTIC. I think the legs should be at least 4 ft long.
Warwick: 4 ft???? Each Section????? You’re not serious. That’s too big. It’ll take up our whole yard.
Me: I know.
Warwick: How am I supposed to mow?
Me: Either around it, or not at all. I don’t care.
Warwick: I think only two feet.
And then he starts drawing up plans. Numbers were rolling around in his head. “Let me see that picture you drew!” He barks. He begins pulling pipes off the shelves, connecting widgets to ‘thinga ma doo’s’, and asking me mathematical questions, I SORT OF knew the answers to. This gets him slightly annoyed, and might I say, A LITTLE POMPOUS ACTING.
Warwick: Nicole. You can’t just guess the sizes. You need to KNOW. Have you thought about this? IT’S IMPORTANT TO KNOW IF THE LEG IS GOING TO BE TOO HEAVY, IF IT WILL REACH THE GRASS, OR IF IT’S GOING TO BE JUST SITTING IN THE AIR IN AN UN-NATURAL POSITION.
Me: Well. I DON’T KNOW. I’m an artist, not a mathematician. But, I do know how to do math, I’m not an idiot. SO STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I AM ONE!!! You know, I create, which takes A LOT of intelligence, and just because I don’t go about the process the same way you do doesn’t mean ITS NOT CORRECT. It’s just different! I want your help, but stop talking to me like your giving me a MATH LESSON!
And then my eyes got all watery and started stinging a bit, just as the Home Depot Sales Guy walks up. And I tried to explain to him what we were doing, but my eyes wouldn’t stop stinging and I think he was scared. Scared because my kids were acting rotten. Scared because of what I told him we were CREATING. Scared because I was teary eyed. Scared because Warwick talks FAR too much about math.
So instead of pretending I wasn’t crying, I wiped my eyes in front of him. Because it’s okay to be passionate.
It’s okay to love a Holiday so much that it makes you yell at your husband, and he at you.
It’s okay to want to create a world in which things are GROSSLY out of proportion and ODDLY scary and BEAUTIFUL.
It’s okay to wait 364 days for one day to arrive, when you can be yourself, laugh, giggle, and make believe that the world is exactly what you make it.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
And another thing, I AM NOT SLOPPY.
I may not be a perfectionist. But, I am not sloppy. And the drawing I did for the GINORMOUS thing we are building, was perfect, and right on point, Mr. Woo.
I don’t think you meant to insinuate that I do things half-assed. But, ummm. . ya kinda did.
But I love you anyway. You and your anal retentive mind. You may not be perfect. But, you’re perfect for me.
Thanks for helping me with my HORRIFIC THING. It looks really good thanks to you. I love you. Try not to yell and be such a know it all.
PS- Here’s some Sloppy Joes. From your Sweet and ‘Not So Sloppy Wife’. Eat up.
Sweet & Sloppy Joes
Just as the name states, these are Sweet. Similiar to a Honey Barbecue Flavor, and not much tang like a lot of Sloppy Joe recipes. This is my favorite Sloppy Joe Recipe. EVER.
Also, just in case your thinking about Halloween too, this is a perfectly quick and filling thing to make on All Hallow’s Eve for dinner. It’s delicious and will fill those bellies up before the kiddos ever have a chance to lick a lollipop! BWAAAAHHHAAAAHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
1 1/2 pounds ground meat [Beef, Turkey, Chicken, Tofu Crumbles, or Deer (pictured – long story) ]
1 onion, chopped
Salt and Pepper, to taste
1/2 tsp ground mustard
1 TB Red Wine Vinegar
1/4 cup sugar, granulated*
1 TB Molasses*
1 15 oz. can Crushed Tomatoes
*Don’t have Molasses? Substitute 1/4 cup light brown sugar in lieu of the white sugar and molasses.
1. In a large skillet, cook onions on medium heat until translucent. About 3-5 minutes.
2. Add ground meat to skillet. Season with salt and pepper. Cook until no longer brown and cooked through. Drain.
3. Return to heat, and add ground mustard, vinegar, crushed tomatoes, sugar and molasses. Stir well. Continue to cook partially covered on medium heat, stirring often for about 5-8 minutes or until the mixture thickens. Serve warm over hamburger buns or sliced bread.