In a world infested with evil.
Where crime had run amok………………
Two individuals were left to fight to the finish.
Of the same family.
Once best friends,
Now, bitter enemies.
yet. . . .
still. in. love.
Friday, October 19th. 6:30 am.
Me: Hey. I told Sam we would come by their Halloween Party tonight.
Me: That means we need costumes.
Me: That means we have to decide on something.
Me: Well, I’m not sure if you’ll go for this. . .but I think it would be really cute. . . . . I could be a superhero and you could be . . . ..my damsel in distress. Funny. . .right?
Warwick: No way. How ’bout I dress up as Hugh Hefner in a robe and you can be a Playboy Bunny.
Me: Not gonna happen. You’re so sexist.
Warwick: Well, I’m not dressing up as a woman. I think you’re sexist.
Friday, October 19th, 2012 5:00 pm
(Completely pissed off, hot, sweaty, and no where near ready for a costume party after digging in the attic for 30 minutes looking for possible costumes)
Me: You know the party starts in 3 hours.
Warwick: Yeah. I know.
Me: We still don’t have costumes.
Warwick: Why don’t we go solo?
Warwick: You do what you want. I’ll do what I want.
Me: Not gonna happen.
Warwick: Just hear me out.
(he walks away and comes back 2 minutes later in a stupid costume.)
See. Look. This is a great costume. If you don’t want me to be a Hugh Hefner, I could just be a rich guy. I just need a cigar. It’ll be the best costume there!
|He has a white shirt on. A robe on top. And glasses. Oh, and pouty lips. I’m sure everyone who sees him will think, Oh! That must be a rich guy.|
Warwick: You know the party starts in one hour. Don’t you think you should get ready?
Me: YES! I KNOW THE PARTY STARTS IN ONE HOUR! AND YES! I DO THINK I SHOULD GET READY! Too bad I’m too busy making your children dinner and digging the weeds out of YOUR yard to make our house and decorations look better for the neighbors party! Plus EVEN IF I DID WANT TO GET DRESSED, WHAT WOULD I WEAR??? HUH? HUH? HUH? WE DON’T EVEN HAVE COSTUMES!!! OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN????????
Friday, October 19th, 2012 7:15 pm
Me: Oh. I love you.
Me: This is a really good idea, don’t you think?
Me: You’re going to look great.
Me: Just put these pantyhose on your face.
And let me paint some stubble on you. . . .so you look more gruff.
Oh! And a band aid! That’ll be perfect.
Warwick: No. I don’t want to have stubble. Can’t I just go without make up.
Warwick: Well, okay. But no band aid.
Me: You have to have a band aid. Everybody knows that EVERY villain/cat burglar scratches their nose on the window during the break in. It’s a must.
Warwick: I’ll wear it. . .I guess. But not on my noise. On my forehead.
Me: Okay. I love you. You look really cute.
Warwick: I don’t think villains are supposed to be cute.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Need two costumes in 45 minutes because you didn’t plan well?
Or you just fought with your husband all day and don’t want to put forth any effort because you’re tired and nobody in your home appreciates the importance of not just wearing crap to a Halloween Party?
Well. . . .
This is the costume for you.
Make it from stuff lying around your house.
Then fly off to your party fighting evil along the way.
Super Heroine and Evil Villain/ Cat Burglar
What You Need:
Eye Shadow (red, white and blue)
Black Eyeliner Pencil
Red Hooker Lipstick
Tight Red Shirt
Tight Black Pants
What To Do:
4.) Find some hooker lipstick. Put it on. That way if your career as a Super Hero doesn’t pan out, maybe the Playboy bunnies will give you a shot. Or do they not do that sort of thing. I’m not really sure. Maybe I should ask my sexist husband.
5.) Sprinkle a healthy dose of body glitter onto your upper chest area. This is the stardust that naturally falls onto your dewey body as you are flying through the Galaxy.
When he really starts to oppose. Just say, “Fine! Fine!” Because you think he may just say, “Screw it” to this whole thing.
5.) Tell him to pose and take a picture.
6.) Then for giving you so much grief today. . . . .PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE.
7.) Then, kick him in the stomach.
8. Cuff him and lock him away (in your heart) forever. Then gag yourself with a spoon for saying that.