I don’t like it when other people talk sternly to my children.
I don’t like it when other people reprimand, scold, or otherwise act as if they are in charge of my children.
When another person (that is not myself, my husband, or my mother) raises their voice to any one of my offspring, my chest pops out, grows muscles (in a feminine way) and turns a grotesque shade of green.
A guttural growl overtakes my breathing.
My eyes become slightly inset, and a darkness hovers.
And. . . .. I want to hurt them.
Not kill them or anything.
Maybe just a little b**** slap.
Or I could trip them when they’re not looking.
Something that would make them cry, and pee on themselves just a tiny bit.
So. . . .a few days ago when an un-named child was running in my yard playing on my precious Halloween decorations, I said not a word.
I threw up and swallowed it, but MUM. WAS. THE .WORD.
When said child went up to my Giant Spider, and tried to pull it’s leg off. . . . . nothing was said while I gauged my eyes out with nearby shrubbery.
When another child sat on my GIANT CENTIPEDE and road it like a donkey, and put a dent in its back, I writhed in pain on the driveway floor, but not a peep was uttered.
But I’m learning.
I’m going to chalk this up to yet another Halloween Miracle, one that teaches me not to get my feelings hurt when others scold my children.
And I’m going to learn to OPEN my lovely mouth and speak the words. .
“My dear friend. . .I love you. . .and your child. But please could you tell them to STOP YANKING ON MY WITCH LEG TOPIARY OR I’M GOING TO KILL THEM. Ha Ha Ha. Just Kidding. No I’m not.”
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Maybe if you make these yard decorations, you could put up a sign that says. . . . .
“Look! But Don’t Touch!”
“Touch this and You’ll DIE.”
“This took a lot of time, you inconsiderate lout. Respect this.”
“Does Your Mother Know Where You Are AND that YOU’RE Rotten to the core and care nothing of other peoples hard work and sacrifice?”
I think any one of those signs would do the trick. Anyway, have fun decorating, click on the text or picture for step by step instructions.
|This one I haven’t blogged about yet, but I will. In the meantime, it’s super easy. Get a branch. Paint it black.
Find a fake crow. Fix to painted branch. Done.
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If you live in Houston and are looking for more ways to get into the Halloween spirit, check out the two new See’s Candies locations. . . . .
Baybrook Mall: Grand Opening: Friday, October 5 at 9:30 am. at 500 Baybrook Mall, Friendswood, TX 77546
and at Willowbrook Mall: Grand Opening: Friday, October 12 at 9:30 am. at Willowbrook Mall at 2000 Willowbrook Mall, Houston, TX 77070
There will be. …
Free Hats and Lollipops for the kids.
Free Candy Sampling
Customers will receive a Texas-sized candy sampler free with $25 purchase
See’s vintage Harley Davidson motorcycle and Model A Roadster will be on display
I went a little earlier this week for a preview.
My faves. . . .
Marzipan (covered in dark chocolate)
What will your favorites be?
[Don’t forget to enter the CHIA Cookbook Giveaway! ]