I think I suck at a lot of things.
Like listening. I don’t listen well. I always intend to listen when the speaker opens their mouth, but then sounds start coming out which remind me of something else, and soon thoughts pop into my head about weeds, tomatoes, Popsicles, and toilets and before you know it, the speaker is like, “Right? WELL. . . .WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?” And I haven’t a damn clue.
Yesterday at 6:03 am I groggily asked Warwick if mosquitoes were rampant outside, because I was about to go weed my vegetable garden. He would know, because the previous day, he mowed the lawn.
“Nope. No mosquitoes.” He said.
So I walked into my closet, and grabbed a pair of long black running pants that Warwick gave me for Christmas in 1997, a Captain Morgan’s Whiskey holey t-shirt, a long grey sweater with not enough buttons, and white polka dot goulashes.
“What are you wearing Nicole?” he looked at me cock-eyed and puzzled because currently it was 175 degrees outside.
“Oh, this? Mosquito clothes.”
“But I just told you their are no mosquitoes.”
“I know. But I don’t believe you.”
I should also say, that often, when I am listening, I disregard whatever the speaker is saying, and do whatever the hell I want anyway.
And this. . . .though boring, if not useless example, is my prime reason for why MARRIAGE IS NOT SO HARD.*
IF good intentions are there.
I try to listen. Though, sometimes I only listen to half of what he said. And I love him. TONS. And I clean his kids, half the time, and I’m tired, which means that I’m trying 148% . . .ALL OF THE TIME.
But this is only important because, he is trying 152%. Slightly more than me. That fact is crucial.
And most importantly, I know my faults. And I don’t revel in them, but I acknowledge them, and I try every day to be a better person, even if it turns out that I’m not doing a very good job.
Which brings me to my next point. . .which is genius really. . . .YOU CAN TOTALLY SUCK AT SOMETHING, and if you really love the people that you are currently performing your suckage activities, they won’t even care. . .they’ll love you anyway. . . .AND they’ll think whatever it was you completely bonked out on what great. FANTASTIC even.
Which is why my husband thinks I’m strange but chooses to stick around anyway.
Which is why my kid had her 6th birthday yesterday, which really was not the best (she got yelled at 20 times, I didn’t make her a cake, I purchased it for $2.50 on sale, I took her to Toys R Us to pick out her own present, and her party consisted of her sisters and some kids she kind of knew).
That was some major mommy birthday suckage behavior.
That ended with a 6 year old kid proclaiming that “This was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!”
Which I am positive, was not. It wasn’t even close.
But NONE OF IT MATTERS.
Because she thinks it was.
And my good intentions were there.
And I tried REALLY, REALLY HARD!
And I did my best under the circumstances.
I gave it my all.
With my dirty hair, possibly smelly breathe, red eyes, and uncut toenails.
And that my friends, is all that matters.
*Just marry somebody you really like. And then don’t try and change them. Just work on yourself. And, pick somebody who is not a total knucklehead and it should be all good.
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What am I talking about?
I want to be better.
It would be nice if being better didn’t mean trying harder.
I’m not sure if I can actually try harder.
Maybe I could not try harder, but make it appear as if I did.
That sounds like a plan.
Completely EASY Barbecue PULLED PORK SANDWICHES
This is so easy, it doesn’t even require a recipe. It goes along with my mantra, “Easy Life. Spectacular Mom. Hot Wife.” Put that on repeat.
Pre-seasoned Boneless Pork Roast about 2 pounds (I like onion garlic)*
Your Fave barbecue sauce (I like Sweet Baby Ray’s)
Some bread (whole wheat buns if your being good, potato rolls if your more risk-ay)
Cole slaw, optional
Tortilla chips with a Pineapple and Red Pepper Salsa, Optional
1.) Preheat oven to 375.
2.) Place the roast into a baking dish, cover tightly with aluminum foil and cook 35 minutes for each pound of meat.
3.) Remove from oven and check to make sure the juices run clear. If the meat is cooked thoroughly, it should shred easily. Using two forks, shred the meat into ribbons.
4.) Pour barbecue sauce on top. Mix. Place on a roll. Shove in mouth.
*General consensus is you cook your pork loin roast (boneless or otherwise) for 30 minutes per pound or until the juices run clear.