Breaking Dawn Part 1 Movie Review – please tell me you’re not surprised


I’m back.
Sorry I’ve been gone so long.  I didn’t intend for it to be this way. It’s just that I had to go see Breaking Dawn with my bestie. And I had good intentions of typing away to you at 3 am all my thoughts about the movie immediately after the midnight showing, but I was in a total daze.
Let me show you why.

So then I started thinking “Oh my goodness. Why am I behaving this way? I love to talk to you. Why won’t my fingers type. Why won’t my brain work? Why can’t I stop thinking about this man, and this girl, and these werewolves, and this family? Why? Oh, why?”

So I grabbed my bestie and we went to see the movie again. . . .so that we could get to the root of the problem.

And that didn’t work. It only got me more worked up. The music from the movie started swirling around in my head, flashes of babies chomping on their Mommies (which really does happen) and werewolves asserting their lineage were all crowding in my mind. So what did I do? Yes. You guessed it, I went to see the movie again.

So thrice, I’ve seen this movie, and yet I feel it is not enough. Not enough.
In my most humble, biased and totally unwanted opinion, this movie was THE BEST IN THE ENTIRE SAGA. Possibly in the entire universe of movies ever made, as well as those not yet made. It was ridiculously good.

Let me tell you why.

EDWARD was gorgeous.
No really. He was perfect. Yes, I know he was perfect in Twilight. But ummm. . .in New Moon there were some issues. I know he’s pale and his skin sparkles in the sun, but please. . . .lose the powder brush and 10 inch sized glitter. It was just too much.

BELLA was beautiful and wretched looking.
Of course, she’s beautiful. No shocker there. But in a few of the movies, she wore a wig from hell, and whoever was in charge of hair follicularness should have just been down right embarrassed.

But from my perspective, in Breaking Dawn we really got to see her innocence, her strength and her beauty without a veil of big brown locks in the way. But then. . .without spoiling anything for those  of you who didn’t read the books, Bella gets dog sick. And when I say dog, I mean it looks like she ate one. And she looks terrible, like death on a stick. But Edward still loves her (sweet, sweet, sweet blood sucking Edward), and looks at her longingly, like she is the most beautiful woman in the world, despite the fact that her breath probably stinks because when people look that way, generally there breath doesn’t smell good, but he just moves on in and snuggles anyway. Gotta love that guy.

The Cullens are Strong and Beautiful Bunch
These jokers are the kind you want to have around you when you being hunted by werewolves and are on your deathbed. I’m just saying. They are gorg, which makes them nice to look at after you’ve just had your face in a toilet bowl throwing up. Not to mention they have lots of money and can pick up whole Sequoia Trees and move them around while carving them into benches so that your wedding guests have a place to sit. This I think is very important if you going to have a demon baby in your stomach. You’d kind of like a nice wedding if your going to go through all that trouble.

Werewolves are beautiful Human Beings and Creatures alike
First,  can I just give a big shout out and thank you to whoever was in charge of the Breaking Dawn Clothing Department. Hats of to you for allowing the werewolves to have shirts, shoes and socks. No really. You deserve a prize. For the love of Pete, thank you for realizing that it is not necessary to have them running around half naked in the dead of winter. And that even though we do realize this IS A MOVIE, in fact, it is not. It’s real. And in real life, people will wonder why these beautiful men (and one woman) are running around in torn khaki’s, and no shirts. Werewolves have pride too. It’s about time we recognized that.

And so. . .I could tell you a lot more, like my speculations on why Jasper always looks constipated, and why Sam (the head werewolf) is such a douche, but I won’t. I’ll just let you go see the movie, because I don’t want to spoil it for you. Just know this. Seeing this movie will make everything right in your world because it’s about love. Real love. Between friends, enemies, and those somewhere in between.

Now go. Run like the wind. And fall in love with vampires.

Oh, but wait.
Dear children, wait.
There is one more bit of information you need to know. There is a little 4 minute vignette in the middle of the credits, at the very end of the movie. Don’t get up and leave right away when the movie has ended, or you’ll miss this lovely little teaser with the Volturi 🙂

Now go.
Run. Don’t walk.

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