I feel fat. And, I think that I might actually be fat. In any case, I don’t want to go swim suit shopping anytime soon, because I just went dress shopping, and the whole experience left me wanting to bludgeon the sales clerk, the inventor of dressing room lighting, and all cottage cheese manufacturers for making something that resembles my thighs.
This torture was necessary because my husband and I were invited to go to a wedding on Saturday. And let’s face it; nothing is worse than being a homely schlumpadinka at a wedding when the bride is having her best hair day, EVER. If I can help it, I’m not going out like that.
Typically, I love, love, love, weddings. But on Saturday, not so much. However, I did go, and I tried not to be too grumpy about it.
We showed up late, but thankfully before the wedding started and early enough to find two seats crammed in the back corner. I was very fidgety because I was sitting under Warwick’s armpit, and my dress was cutting off my circulation. I started to get up and readjust, but the music came on and the processional began. Great, I thought. I’m going to pass out from lack of blood flow, but at least my shoulder will smell like Arrid Xtra Dry.
As we sat there, the parents of the bride and groom “processed” in stiffly and zombie like. The flower girls skipped in tossing petals wherever they walked and the ring bearer, cute as a button, did his duty by melting the hearts of all those in attendance. By the time the bride glided in, my arm was growing numb. I lifted it up and tried to prop it up on Warwick’s shoulder, but he’s quite tall and it felt like I was raising my hand, waiting to be called on. Not good when the preacher is about to ask if anyone here objects to this marriage. I pulled my arm down and tried to rest it on the back of his chair, but again his large girth made it impossible, and my arm kept falling off and dangling like a limb that has been partially severed. Just as the wedding couple was starting their vows, I found an open spot on the back of Warwick’s seat to rest my arm.
Without saying a word, he snaked his arm around his lower back, and grabbed my hand and held it softly. He turned his head, looked me in the eyes, and I knew. All those vows that they were saying on the altar, he was saying to me with his heart. It was just a look, in a stolen moment, but it meant the world to me. I loved you then, I love you now, I’ll love you forever, his heart whispered. I’ll never love anyone but you, my heart sang back. And so we sat there, for the next 20 minutes, at quite possibly the best wedding I have ever been to, besides my own.
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In honor of people in love everywhere, grab a nacho and we’ll toast to love, flat butts, and cheesy thighs. We’ll love ourselves just as we are, but aspire to even healthier and stronger bodies. We’ll eat, play, and love in the most divine of ways. The spicier the better!
These nachos are made with homemade baked tortilla chips that are very low in fat. Combined with reduced fat toppings, you can eat these without feeling guilty.
Package of white corn tortillas
Kosher salt to taste
extra lean ground beef or turkey, cooked
fat free canned refried beans, warmed
reduced fat shredded cheese
fat free sour cream
Diced onions, optional
Diced chilies, optional
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Spray each side of your corn tortillas with cooking spray.
3. Cut each tortilla in half, and then each half in thirds, so that every tortilla makes six triangles.
4. Place on a baking sheet, and sprinkle with salt. Bake until golden brown and crispy, about 13 minutes. Let cool a few minutes.
5. Place tortillas on plate and top with lettuce, beans, meat, cheese, salsa, sour cream, and any additional toppings you might like. Serve immediately.
You can bake a bunch of chips in advance. They stay fresh for about 1-2 weeks if stored in a sealed container.