WARNING : This post is not for the faint of heart. If you are opposed to bodily secretions of any kind do not read on. Again, DO NOT READ ON! Post will take off in 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1. . . . .okay, you asked for it.
Scene: Upstairs bathroom littered with clothing that has been ripped off in a fury. Toothpaste clumps in the sink, toys on the vanity, and spit dots on the mirror. The tub is filled with warm bubbly water, and the Johnson and Johnson scent fills the air.
Two little lovelies sit in the tub playing and creating with their bath tub paints . Chortles and chuckles bounce off the walls adorned with palm trees and sand dunes. I am downstairs cleaning up the kitchen dinner mess(or ummmmm. . . eeerrrrrrr. . . .checking my email) when I hear a faint shriek of “Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww,” and then silence.
Bella: “Mommmeeeeeeee! We need you upstairs please!”
Me: “Oh, ummm, sure. Be there in a minute.” *tap, tap, tap. send. opens new email.*
Bella: “Um, Mommy!” she yells in her most polite voice “Soledad really needs your help!”
Me: “Okay, I’m coming right now!” *then why are you calling for me if she really needs my help. crying wolf. tap, tap, tap. send. hmmmm wonder what’s on this website.*
Me: “On my way, on my way!!!!”
I flew up the stairs taking two by two, flung open the bathroom door, and what did I see? Not much. Just Bella sitting in the far left corner of the tub with a nauseated look on her face, and Soledad standing naked, dead center, with her leg slightly bent, and stairing at her mid thigh.
Me: “What is it? What is such an emergency?”
They had nothing. Just two blank looks on their faces, as they stared back at me as if I was missing something incredibly clear.
Bella says in her most grown-up, business like voice ” Mommy, Soledad pooped on herself.”
Me: “What? Seriously? SOLEDAD! You know better than to poop in the tub! You are a big girl! I am so dissapoointed! This is so completely gross!!!!!!”
Bella rolls her eyes, while Soledad stands looking confused and bewildered.
Bella: “Mommy. She. Did. Not. Poop. In. The. Tub.”
Me: “Well, did she poop in the toilet? Then why did you call me up here? Sorry, Soli. Mommy’s not mad; I thought you pooped in the tub. But you pooped in the toilet. Good girl.”
Bella looked at me as if I was completely hopeless. Clearly, her voice was straining now.
“Mommy. That’s not what I said. Soledad did not poop in the toilet.” she sighed.
“THEN WHERE DID SHE POOP?” I yelled, thoroughly exasperated.
“On her leg.”
Still confused, we both moved in for a closer look. Obviously, there was a drop of poo on Soledad’s leg about the size of a small grape. Yet, oddly enough, not a drop of poo in the tub, in the toilet or anywhere in between. None in the crack or in any of that jack.
Did Soledad poot, and a morsel jumped out of her hiney onto her leg? I don’t know.
Are the pores on Soledad’s legs secreting toxic waste? I don’t know.
Is Soledad hiding grape sized balls of poo under her arms to pull out at opportune moments to torment me and her sisters? Maybe. But, I don’t think so.
Honestly, I think we just witnessed some type of natural poo phenomenon. Where poo just spontaneously appears out of no where. Even today,Soledad still has a dumb struck look on her face and keeps repeating, “Mommy we don’t poop in the tub right? I didn’t poop in the tub, right? Where is that poop?”
I don’t know, Soli, I don’t know.
But,what I do know is this, THAT DAY, Bella took one for the team. She remained calm during a crisis, used her communication skills to accurately convey the urgency of the situation (albeit to a dense and confused authority), and kept her wits in a completly gross situation. She was not deterred by spontaneously arriving poo, she was not freaked out by smelly grape sized balls on her sister’s leg. She did not throw in the towel when her confused mother roamed around the bathroom yelling needlessly.
So here’s to you Bella, and all you do. For putting up with poo in the bathtub on more than one occassion. For loving us all, even in our grossest moments, and for being the light that shines on our hearts every single day. We love you. Hope you have fun doing this gross goopy project.
Grimy Green Goop
This stuff is like a marriage between play dough and slime. We like to call it “Goop”. My kids sit around and pretend to make pies, cookies and weird creations with it. It’s kinda like playing in mud, only without the dirt.
Note: Be sure to cover your table with plastic.. It makes clean up a lot easier.
What You Need:
1/2 cup cornstarch
1/2 cup water plus 1 1/2 cup boiling water
Green Food Coloring
What To Do:
1. Mix 1/2 cup of cornstarch with 1/2 cup of water. Set aside.
2. Boil 1 1/2 cups of water in a saucepan.
3. Once water has reached the boiling point, remove from heat. Add cornstarch mixture, while stirring constantly.
4. Continue to stir and add 10 drops of green food coloring.
5. Allow mixture to cool to room temperature. Children can have a great time playing with the goop “as is” or with utensils such as plastic cutlery.