(if you’d like to see when I was deliriously happy and moving Shelbi into her dorm, click below.

(If you’d like to hear about my current state of NOT happy. . .READ below)

Yesterday Shelbi and I had our first 900 mile away fight.

I held hostage every grown-up conversation that I had yesterday and told them how awful it was to have a 5 day old College Student and how I only want to make sure she’s okay. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I’ll try to spare you the details.

While trying to reserve a little bit of privacy for her.

BUT. . .

I want to share this with you, because mothering is hard. And sending your kid off to college is AMAZING, but it also sucks ass.

Basically,

I’m stalking her on her iphone. 

She knows. And. . .I even think she might be okay with it.

Also, I’m having a nervous breakdown because I’m releasing my need to tell her what to do, as I am trying to allow her to be an adult.

Soooooooo. . . . . . .

Shelbi sends me a text Friday night.

Juicy bits about how much fun shes’s having and the great people she’s meeting.

I absorb all the bits, lick them off the plate and smile to myself, internally grinning about the stellar communicating that is going on while patting myself on my back as job. well. done.

Then, as any mother to an adult child would do, I log into her Student portal and start filling out paperwork for healthcare and loans and stuff, that she should have done herself.

But I don’t worry because she and I are in a new place. We are working on our adult-to-mom relationship and all is good. Plus! She said she didn’t have time to fill these forms out for herself because she’s so busy being a 5 day old college student doing all the things 5 day old college students do, like finding jobs, going to barbecue’s and dancing at Indie concerts.

At 3:30am central time (1:30 Cali time), I see she’s not at home. I freak out and stay up 2 more hours stalking her until I see she’s arrived home safe on FIND MY I PHONE.

The next day (lack of sleep has taken it’s toll) she’s pretty rude and cranky on the phone. No matter, my feelings get hurt, but I move on. But not without giving her a bit of advise on new college friendships . . . 

And she flips.

And then I flip.

She says she’s really not listening to me. Don’t I know she’s an adult?

OMG MOM. She says. Just stop. Stop it. That’s why I don’t tell you anything.

Now I start flipping more.

Until I’m too tired to flip and I hang up the phone on her.

Then I cry.

I refuse to call her back.

I see she’s texted me and her father but I won’t answer. My heart aches.

I don’t understand, why can’t see how much I love her?

Oh God. Please help me to stop sounding like such a loser. I’m getting on my own nerves.

which. . .

Puts us here to present time.

I just wrote her a letter and emailed it. I’m trying to be a GROWN-UP MENTALLY STABLE person who doesn’t grow weary of their heart being trampled on.

I’m trying. 

Maybe I’ll show you the letter tomorrow.

I just wanted you to know.

This shit is real.

And this is real shit.

And this fool, in front of you. . .is still loving the experience of it all

But it is shit all the same.

• – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Here we go.

I apologize.

I’m sorry for cursing.

I’m sorry for stalking Shelbi.

I’m sorry for crying when I should really be the happiest person in the world.

I’m sorry for always posting salad recipes.

Except.

I’m not sorry.

Curse words have emotion and meaning and I think God might even use them.

Shelbi needs someone to stalk her because College kids can be stupid.

This salad is tasty. Like really, really, delicious. And if you don’t like it well, then just stuff your face with something else.

I’m done with being sorry.

Sorry, if that hurt your feelings. :/

Broccoli Salad with Sweet Grapes, Cheddar Cheese and Rotissierie Chicken

Ingredients:

2 TB Agave Syrup

2 TB Apple Cider Vinegar

1 TB Dijon Mustard

1 tsp kosher salt

½ tsp Black Pepper

⅔ cup of canola or olive oil

5 cups broccoli florets

1 ½ cup of grapes, halved

4 oz. sharp cheddar cheese

¾ cup pecans, in pieces

½ cup yellow or red onion, diced

½ large rotisserie chicken, shredded

1. In a large jar, combine agave syrup, vinegar, mustard, salt, pepper, and oil. Whisk until combined thoroughly.
2. In a large bowl, combine broccoli, grapes, cheese, pecans, onion and chicken. Drizzle with dressing. Toss to coat. Refrigerate 2 hours before serving.

Directions: