Can I just say something?
I need to just get this off my chest, if you don’t mind.
I’m not always the best mom. And I can be grouchy. And not brush my hair for days, and totally, completely be over it.
Just done. Tapped out.
But I never, ever want to be that way. Though sometimes I am.
And because I’m that way, I’m trying to teach myself to love me just as I am. Because in some odd weird way, I think it’s all connected. I behave this way, because I’m so stressed out trying to be perfect for myself, my kids, my husband, my friends, the random people who see me in the grocery store.
It’s a lot to live up to. And its pretty stupid to even try.
I think if I love myself better, somehow it will all just begin to move and mold and shape so that it all works out as it should. Or maybe it won’t. Maybe it will all still be exactly the same. But I won’t care. I’ll be above caring.
So here’s to giving me, myself and I some. . .
Muffin top love.
Messy hair love.
Horrible attitude love.
And to round it off, a little Yoga love. To put this state of mind into practice.
So I’m dealing with a lot of acceptance of me, for who I am today. Loving the me that I am right now, not the me I’m wanting to be one day. Nicole, that lives in this moment is just as wonderful and beautiful and smart, lovely, and kind as any future or past version of me.
I am going to love myself.
Just as I am.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
This morning, as I was loving myself, and doing Yoga, that I was completely and utterly not doing very well, I got an epiphany. I think I’m always rushing. Like always. For no reason.
I’m not in a rush.
Seriously. I’m just fooling myself. No hurry is needed for me.
So I slowed my roll, just a bit. And made this for my little chickadees for breakfast.
Actually, they asked what was for breakfast, and I said CEREAL, and everyone looked at me sideways. Bella pleaded, “Can I just have a grapefruit?” and then Soledad and Phoebe requested one too.
And I remembered (from Yoga at 5:00 am. . .I’m not in any hurry), so I walked all three to the kitchen and we cut open some grapefruit, sprinkled them with brown sugar, broiled them, doused them with yogurt and granola and chowed down.
And then. . .
While they were eating, because I have major self loathing issues, I looked at my children and screamed silently in my head, “Fool! A grapefruit and yogurt is not enough sustenance for growing children! Get up and CooK Woman!”
So, I rose, and went to the stove and cooked 3 toads in a hole, yolks runny.
Handed them to my treasures, and said “Hurry! eat! The bus will be here soon!”
And one of my little chicks looked up at me while I was cutting up her toast and eggs and shoving it down her pie hole, and said, ” I love you Mommy. You are the best mommy in the whole world.”
And I said, “Really?”
And she said, “Yes.”
And I said, “I don’t think so. But I’m glad you do.”
And she said, ” Well I do. And that is all that matters.”
And a tear appeared in my eye.
Broiled Grapefruit with Vanilla Yogurt and Granola
Put broiler on high. Cut grapefruit in half. Segment. Sprinkle with brown sugar. Broil for about 3- 5 minutes or until brown sugar starts to caramelize. Remove from oven and Place about 1/4 cup of yogurt on top. Sprinkle with granola.