What I think I have learned today.. . .

I could cut the lawn with scissors, but that would be stupid.

Likewise, I could dry lettuce with a million paper towels and then stick it into a bowl with more paper towels. Then, I could stick it in a collander and hope it doesn’t wilt
But really, aren’t I just basically cutting the lawn with scissors.

Why not buy a salad spinner?
They cost like $20. $15 at TJ Maxx.
No. Seriously.
I’m asking,  “why?”.

Why have I lived the last 13 years of my domestic life, thinking it’s okay to drag my knuckles against the grind when preparing salads?

When the lawn mower broke the first time, did Warwick condemn himself to a life of misery and of cutting the lawn with toe nail clippers?

When the lawn mower broke for the second time, did Warwick throw the baby out with the bath water and borrow my eyebrow tweezers to manicure the lawn?

When the lawn mower broke for the THIRD TIME. . . . . .you get my point. He keeps buying $400 lawn mowers. Because the lawn must be mowed.

AND IN THAT VAIN. . .I CRY. . . . .

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT AND WRONG.
Lord help me.
Why don’t I buy a salad spinner, dryer, rotater. . .thing that removes the water from your lettuce leaves after you’ve washed them?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

I think the reason is because I love misery.
Not all of me.
But a sad, stupid, part of me loves misery.

She complains a lot.
And she’s all, woe is me.
No clothes for you.
No make up for you.
No anything to make your life easier.
BECAUSE YOU ARE ON A BUDGET.
AND YOU WILL BE ON A BUDGET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
AND THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE ALLOWED TO GET ANYTHING AT ALL ARE THOSE CRAZY KIDS OF YOURS AND YOUR HUSBAND IF HE NEEDS ANYTHING THAT IS LAWN EQUIPMENT. BUT ONLY IF IT COSTS $10,000 DOLLARS.

I really hate that B.
I need to get that chic in check.
And tell her and her HO of a best friend (who is always telling me my butt is fat) to BACK OFF.

Because I’ve got a salad spinner now.
Well. . . . .I’m thinking about getting one real soon.
Biz-ouch.
And a low-fat salad dressing that ATLEAST WON’T MAKE MY BUTT FATTER.
So there.

Low Fat Buttermilk Caesar Salad Dressing
This is really good. Tangy, smooth, and lighter than a traditional Caesar Salad Dressing. It isn’t as creamy as the traditional, but trust me, you won’t miss the richness. My 8 year old daughter loves it. She ate this salad for 4 days straight with her dinner. On the fifth day she was so sad when I told her it was all gone! Now. That is  a good Salad dressing.

INGREDIENTS:

3/4 CUP BUTTERMILK
5-6 ANCHOVIES, minced
1 TB LEMON JUICE
2 CLOVES GARLIC, MINCED
2 TB PARMESAN CHEESE, GRATED
3 TB MAYONNAISE
1 TSP WORCHESTERSHIRE
1 TSP DIJON MUSTARD
SALT AND PEPPER, TO TASTE

Directions:

1 In a medium sized bowl, add all the ingredients. Mix well. Pour into a glass container and use immediately or store in your refrigerator. Tastes even better the next day!