My friends.
I’d like to tell you a story.
A Christmas Story.
A story about love, patience, and a yelling screaming lady.
Oh.
And a blind kid.

Around these parts (my house) when dusk hits, the lights go out (we turn down all the lights, except for the holiday lights and walk around a semi-dark house with twinkling Christmas colors).

On a perfect day, homework will be done, and I will turn off the Christmas music (that plays non-stop) and turn ON the television. To something that has to do with Christmas.

On a not so perfect day, a child or two will still be doing their homework when dusk hits and the ambiance is totally shot.

15 minutes after dusk.

Me: Why are the lights out in here?

Shelbi: I’m trying to do my homework.

Me: Try turning the lights on so you don’t go blind.

Shelbi: I can’t. They lights you buy are too bright. I need the lights off in order to see.

Me: What’s wrong with you? You aren’t even making sense.

*I flick the lights on and walk away. I sit on the recliner in my room and turn on my television. From the corner of my eye, I see the lights turn off in the room that is currently housing my soon to be blind child. I get up. I walk over to her.*

Me: I can not believe you just turned the lights off when I JUST TURNED THEM ON. KEEP. THEM. ON. YOU’LL. GO. BLIND.

Shelbi: No I won’t.

Me: Oh yes you will Missy. You can Google it. *I walk away.*

10 minutes later.

Shelbi: I googled it.

Me: Of course you did.

Shelbi: Google says that artificial light has been known to cause damage.

Me: #1 – I said to Google it for you, not for me. #2 – No need to share. #3 – OF COURSE THAT’S WHAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO READ. Google and I aren’t talking about the same thing. I’m talking about going blind because you’re reading in the dark like its 1835. Google is talking about neon lights, people who can’t sleep at night, or people who have to work at night and work under artificial lights or some other crap I’m not even sure of. But trust this.. . . . . Read in the dark, and you’ll go blind.
YOU’LL GO BLIND! YOU’LL GO BLIND! YOU’LL GO BLIND!!!!!!
And. . . .I’m not going to pay your doctor bills. . .BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO.

Shelbi: You’re so mean. You don’t even listen. I did what you said, and you’re still not listening.

Me: Ah well. Cry me a river. My parents didn’t listen either. At least you have Google.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Oh, the joys and the complexities of Christmas.
It’s a metaphor for life I say.

I know there is a lesson to be learned somewhere in this. . . .

Maybe it’s. . . .

Don’t Google Anything.
Or
Google Everything.
Or
Go blind early so you can sign up for disability so that you won’t have to worry about no money being left in social security.

Hmmmm. . . .
I know.
It’s think simply.
Look for the beauty in everything.
Twinkling lights.
Studying children.
Mothers that love their children so much that they scream at the top of their lungs “YOU’LL GO BLIND!!!!” fifty million times when really they would rather be watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Yes.
Simple.
Like this.
My simple daughter Shelbi’s new favorite side dish.
Corn on the Cob with Mayo, Paprika, and Parmesan.
This is a simple beautiful thing that will be showing up on our Christmas dinner table.

This can be on your table in 15 minutes flat.
Leaving you as much time as you need to turn the lights on and off.

Happy Holidays!!!

Corn on the Cob with Mayo, Paprika and Parmesan

Ingredients:

6-8 ears of corn (boiled in a pot or grilled)

Directions

1. Spread corn with mayonnaise. Sprinkle with paprika and Parmesan cheese. Serve. Easy. Peasy.