I’m a horrible, horrible, terrible person.
And I’ve misjudged.
Well, not misjudged. I really did judge quite right.
Maybe I spoke too soon. Too much. Maybe.
Well, let’s just say I said a person was something, that they sometimes can be in brief spurts of time, but they aren’t always that way.
Probably hardly ever that way. And my subconscious just ran away will the horrible, horrible, terrible thoughts I was having, and before you knew it, I sat down at my computer, type typed typed away and hit “Publish.”
Now I feel bad.
Because NOBODY is all bad. At least I don’t think so. And I hope not.
And EVERYBODY has some good that we all can find. Some more than others, and hopefully most more than can ever be measured.
Well. . .you know that fella. That caveman #1 fella. That fella that I called idiotic, nonsensical, moronic, chauvinistic jerk? Well, come to find out he was really rather calm this weekend, and quite nice, and not at all moronic, idiotic, nonsensical or chauvinistic. He chatted with me quite gentlemanly, quite nice, and then asked if my child could come play with his child at his house for the day.
And then told me what a great kid I have. And that he’d love to have her over ANYTIME. That she was ‘good people.’ And then he handed me a bottle of a really nice bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. And told me to enjoy it.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
I’m a horrible, terrible, person.
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The way I see it.
My instincts are like this cupcake. Totally Gross and Beautiful in some weird morbid way on the outside.
Bloody, yet real, and truthful on some level.
And when you bight into it, your mouth explodes in sensory of flavors of sweet, earthy, love, and you don’t know whether to melt and become one with the universe or start jumping up and down and proclaiming at the top of your lungs this is the best damn Halloween cupcake you’ve ever had in your entire life.
It’s a total paradox.
Ugly and Beautiful.
Just like me.
And caveman #1 for that matter.
This cupcake recipe is adapted from a cookbook entitled Zombie Cupcakes (from the grave to the table with 16 cupcake corpses) by Zilly Rosen. It has a lot of really fantastic recipes for wonderfully creepy cupcakes for this time of year.
Toxic Bite Cupcakes
adapted from Zombie Cupcakes by Zilly Rosen
These cupcakes are red velvet and divine. And gross. And wonderful. The last time I made these I was in a hurry so I used a boxed blueberry muffin mix, but the decor was still the same. And the effect was still frightening.
Don’t let these cupcakes scare you. They are surprisingly easy to make!
Ingredients for the Red Velvet Cupcake:
12 white cupcake liners
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 tsp pure vanilla
1/2 tsp distilled malt vinegar
1 TB red liquid food coloring
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
2 larges eggs, beaten
1 1/3 cup all purpose, cake or pastry flour
1 TB unsweetened cocoa
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
Ingredients for the Icing and Decorations:
The book gives directions for making your own Italian Icing and Fondant. But I was in a hurry, so I made a few changes.
1 container of Ready to Use Strawberry Frosting ( THE BOOK called for 1 drop of peach paste mixed with 1 quantity of Italian Meringue Butter cream,)
4 1/2 oz Piping Gel “Blood” (3 oz. clear piping gel mixed with 4 to 5 drops of red paste food coloring)
Ready to Use Fondant (you can purchase this at you local hobby, party or cake supply.)
1. Preheat oven to 375. Line muffin pan with 12 white cupcake liners. In a small bowl mix, buttermilk, vanilla, vinegar, and food coloring.
2. In a large bowl, mix butter and sugar using an electric mixer. Beat until fluffy. Gradually add the eggs and beat together. Sift in the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. Add the buttermilk mixture to and combine well. Spoon batter into lined muffin pan and bake for 20 minutes, turning once halfway through baking, until well risen and firm in the middle. Remove from oven. Let cool.
3. While the muffins are cooling make the decorations. To Make the Teeth:
Cut off a small piece of your ready to use fondant and roll it into an oval about the size of a gnocchi or a quarter.
4. Make a cut down the middle of the oval. Pinch the ends and form into roots.
5. Use a toothpick to make grooves in the tooth. First make 2 crisscrossed lines on the rounded end of the tooth. Then make additional creases and crevices so that the tooth resembles a molar. See pic.
6. Press the side of the toothpick all the way around the tooth to make a groove that separates the tooth from the root. Repeat 11 or more times. Let dry overnight (though I used mine immediately and it worked fine). Store uncovered in a cool dry place, but not in the refrigerator.
7. Once the cupcakes are cooled, frost. To create a bite mark, press the small end of a large plain piping tip into the frosting 5-7 times in a curved across the edge of the cupcake, and drag away the frosting. Fill in with red piping gel ‘blood’. Be sure to dribble some down the sleeve of the cupcake so that it pools on the plate or table.
8.Dip the ends of the teeth into the red piping gel ‘blood’. Lay tooth next to the pool of blood or garnish the top of the cupcake with it! Bon Appetite!