I’m gonna make this short, because . . . .

A.) I don’t want my husband to kill me
B.) You might be tired of me moaning and whining
C.) I’m tired of me moaning and whining
D.) When your life flashes before your eyes, it isn’t an experience you want to relive over and over again for long lengths of time

First let me say, I lurv my husband.  I don’t just love him. I lurv him.  That’s like love to the infinite degree.

Secondly, I know I created this beast, with too much talk about girl power. It’s all my fault. I deserve what ever should befall me.

That being said.. . . .

I woke up early yesterday to clean out my dirty, dirty, truck. Crumbly cheese crackers? Got it. Nasty, half sucked skittle? Right here.  Green morphed fuzzy thing? Yup. You know it.

So as I’m pulling out all the crap in the truck, I see something dark dart past me.  My heart nearly fell. out. of. my. chest.

Is it the death eaters?  I wonder.  Now they’ve infiltrated the Muggle world.

The darkness runs past again, and I hear a “Gruff. Gruff. Snort. Ruff.”

I look down and its a dog.  Cujo I think.  Though he appears relatively friendly and no blood on his face, yet.

I ignore the dog thinking, he’ll go and leave me to cleaning out this parajumper crap. But  he just lingers.  No problem, he won’t bother me, if I don’t bother him.

I walk slowly to the other side of the car, and that Bull Dog, looking Pit Bull, Rottweiler wannabe runs up on me and knocks me into my car.  He’s all, ” I wanna get in. I lurv the hand vac.  I want to eat the hand vac. Never mind your HAND that you might need is in the way.”

And I’m all, oh my goodness I think I’m going to die.  I don’t want Warwick to remarry.  I’m not one of those people who says if I die I want my husband to find a nice wife and be happy with my kids. I want him to be sad and miss me forever.  I’m such a mean person. Why did he ever marry me? And then I remember, I think I’m being attacked by a dog (or happily licked by one) I’m not sure which, and I kinda weakly murmur, “no, no, down, down” and then I slowly, fast walk into my garage where the dog follows me and I open the house door to get in and have to kinda close the door on the dogs snout.

I’m alive.

I walk into the foyer, where my husband is standing in his parajumperjackorse underwear.

Me:  There may be a dog outside who may or may not be trying to kill me.

Mr. Woo: Where, where?

Me: Oh look, he’s at the front door barking!

I’m thinking he’s going to throw on some shorts and jump on his white horse and save me. Or at least pull the car into the garage so that I don’t have to.

Me: I’m kinda scared.

Mr. Woo:  Well just go outside and yell at it and tell it to leave.

Me: I am not.

Mr. Woo: Well, if it was me I wouldn’t have any problem beating that dog to a pulp if it messed with me.

He’s not serious, right?  Only I know he so is.

Me: Well, I can’t do that. I’m scared. Dogs sense when your scared.

Mr. Woo:  He’s on his way down the street. Go now! Run, You can pull the car into the garage now!

And so without thinking, I run out to the car. 

But really I am thinking. I’m thinking why am I risking my life when my husband should be risking his.  That’s why we got married, right?   I thought the deal was you marry me, you take out the trash, and deal with crazy wayward Cujos.

As I’m slowly moving towards the car, as not to alert Cujo, Cujo is indeed alerted, a smile and surprised looked blazes on his gruffy snout, and he starts booking it in my direction. I fumble around trying to make my way into the truck and close the door just as he makes it to my side.

I did it. I’m so proud of myself. I’m in the truck. The dog is outside the truck.

I turn the key in the ignition, but the car doesn’t start. I’m screwed.

•  Mr. Woo turned the car phone off last week so I have no lifeline.
•  I could use OnStar, but I’m sure they’d think I’m crazy, and I’m not really sure if that is what that service is for. 
•  I don’t have my cell phone.  So that options out. 
•  I could honk the car horn to alert my husband, but its 7:30 am and I don’t think my neighbors would appreciate that.  

So basically, the truck is dead and so am I.

Somehow, by the grace of God, I make it back into the house.  I’m not really sure how.  I may have blacked it out of my memory for sanity purposes.  I think it involved brushing up against that dog who was trying to kill/lick me, tripping over our red recycle containers, and having a quick conversation with my neighbor across the street, while trying to act like I was not petrified of this 3 headed dog.

Needless to say, when I walked back into the house, I was not pleased with Mr. Woo.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

That wasn’t short was it.

Sorry, I can be long winded.

But this time I promise, this will be short.  It won’t take up much of your time at all.

And you’ll be all, “I’m so glad that I read that novel Nicki Woo wrote about how that dog almost kill/licked her so that I could get down to what really matters and that’s this scrump dilly umptious sandwich, that is only gonna take me like 2 minutes to make which is a lucky thing because she took up so much of my time today that I have like 5 minutes before bedtime. Thanks Nicki Woo!”

Awwww. Your welcome. 

The Elena Ruz

One more thing. this is another popular Cuban sandwich. Legend has it that a young society debutante (Elena Ruz) used to stop by an all night Havana restaurant after dancing with her friends. This is the sandwich she specifically requested, made to order, and they named it after her.  The sandwich became very popular, and now you can order it at many restaurants in Miami by this name. or even better, make it yourself at home.  Buen Provecho!

Ingredients:
2 slices of your favorite sandwich bread (I used ( 9 Grain)
Low Fat Whipped Cream Cheese
Strawberry Jam (or your favorite Jam, I’m partial to Plum)
Roast Turkey, sliced ( Try Jenny-O pre sliced cutlets or Roast Turkey Deli Meat is super easy)
cooking spray (or 1 tsp butter, oil, or margarine)
Directions:

1. Spread a generous amount of cream cheese on one slice of bread. On the other slice of bread, spread an ample amount of Jam.
2. Place turkey slices in the middle and close.
3. Place sandwich in a hot skillet sprayed with cooking spray. Cook sandwich for about 1 minute on each side or until golden brown. Serve warm.