My barbecue grill is a hot mess.

My husband is hot, and also a mess.
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Yesterday, I spent the entire day cleaning out our piece of crap barbecue grill. It was rusty, and dirty with grayish weathered spots all over it. Grass was literally growing through the rusty holes in the legs, the ones that still exist, that is, because one just dropped the heck off when it realized what a piece of crap it was attached to. The broken grill leg rests on top of a cracked brick (because we wanted to stick with the theme), so that it wouldn’t pummel to the ground. The insides of the grill were not much better. They were completely cruddy with coal, and rust, and wood, and whatever the heck else one uses when barbecuing the mess out of food.

I shouldn’t have been cleaning that darn thing AT ALL.  I never even wanted that carcinogen black heap of mess. I wanted a lovely GAS grill, which you could turn on and off.  That could easily prepare meals in minutes instead of the hours it takes one to soak coals, heat coals, smoke wood, and all that other ridiculousness. It’s a good thing I’m CPR trained (lifeguard training in the 6th grade), because every time we prepare our meals with this grill I have to resuscitate my children, after they black out from starvation because it takes 3 hours to cook a hot dog that is already cooked.

So why did I clean it? Because I love my husband and I know he works hard, and I know he loves that crusty old grill. I wanted it to be nice and clean and pretty for him when our family comes over for dinner next week. So I scoured the surface with too many Brillo pads to count, to remove all the calcium, dirt, and rust. Then I opened it up and literally chiseled away at the muck that had adhered itself to the walls of the grill. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed some more, rinsed it, let it dry, painted it, got a splinter, cut myself, and got eaten alive by mosquitoes.  All for the love of this man.

So, when he got home from work, I told him what I did and he said . . . . . . .

“Oh.”

“Well, aren’t you going to go outside and look at it?”

“Oh. (there’s that word again). Okay. I’ll do it when I go outside to set up the batting tee.”

“Okay,” I said sounding disappointed so that HE WOULD GO LOOK RIGHT NOW. But, he didn’t. He just pattered around the house for the next 15 minutes before going outside to set up the batting tee.  And before NOT going to look at the grill.

So, hours later, trying to keep my cool, I suggest that he go and look at the grill AGAIN.  This time he actually goes outside, looks at it, does NOT touch it, does NOT inspect it, does NOT even open it (which was by the way the hardest part of the whole project), comes back in and looks at me with a weak assed half smile and says  . . . .

“Uh, huh.”

‘Uh, huh’ ?  Are you kidding me? “Uh, huh?????? I wasted every free minute that I had today (and those that weren’t even free) letting the children tear up the house, neglecting my chores, letting the baby cry longer than necessary, sacrificing my body, my sanity, and my fingernails, and all you have to say is UH HUH?  Well, I’ve go somethin’ for you mister. THE SILENT TREATMENT. 

And so that’s where we are.  I’ve been giving him the silent treatment for the last two days, and the kicker, he doesn’t even know it. He may know that I’m pissed, sort of. Cause I have been wearing a bit more attitude lately, but I’m sure he just thinks I”m about to start my period.  And I’m having a hard time being silent, well because I like to talk a lot, and because it’s hard to be silent when you need to tell a person stuff.

So now, I’m not sure what to do.  Usually, he is very appreciative, but I fear one of the “little ungratefuls” have gotten to him, and pulled him to their side. But not for long missies.  You’re not going to take my only partner in crime. I’m going to fix this problem, and fix it now. I could be mature, and pull him to the side and discuss this issue like an adult, but I think this requires more drastic measures.  So, I think I’ll type up my complaint,  get it in black and white, and post it on the Internet. And hit PUBLISH. 

Note: Do not leave any comments other than those that say “HE IS WRONG. YOU ARE RIGHT.” I don’t want to hear any sad, lame excuses for his behavior!

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How to Clean and Paint Your Crusty Grill

1.   Using Brillo Pads, scour the entire surface of the grill. This should adequately remove all flaky paint and rust.
2.  Allow the grill to dry completely.
3.Using a high heat resistant paint, like Rust–Oleum paint that says it is for barbecue grills, spray the entire grill in slow sweeping motion about 8-12 inches away from the surface.   IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU ONLY USE HIGH HEAT TOLERANT PAINT. DO NOT use regular paint, or your grill might explode and then, well, you’ll have worse problems on your hands.  The paint costs about $4.00-$5.00 a can.  I used two cans for my large grill, and only applied one coat.  A second coat would be advisable to ensure longer wear.
4. If your grill grates are rusty or just in need of some TLC check out this link for details instructions on how to clean your grates.
http://www.ehow.com/how_5630251_clean-rust-grill-grates.html

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Let me start by saying this recipe would be equally delicious on a grill.  However, my husband still has not looked at the grill grates that I fastidiously cleaned, so we won’t be dirtying them up until he falls on his knees and asks for forgiveness.  And to be honest, I think that I prefer my skirt steak prepared this way.  It’s fast, easy, and will totally knock your socks off! I served this will steamed broccoli, tomato and cucumber salad, and mashed potatoes with cheese. YUM!

Pan Seared Skirt Steak with Chimichurri-ish Sauce

Ingredients:

2 pounds of skirt steak
Coarse salt and pepper
2 TB plus 1/4 cup olive or canola oil
2 cloves of garlic
1 bunch of flat leaf parsley, stems removed
1 handful of fresh oregano (about 3 TB)
3 TB of red wine vinegar
Pre-heat the oven to 400° F.

Directions:

1.  Allow the meat come to room temperature.
2.  Preheat oven to 400. 
3.  The meat generally comes in large pieces, so you might need to cut it so that is is able to fit into your skillet. Season the meat by sprinkling salt and pepper on both sides.
4.  Using a skillet that can be transferred to the oven, heat 2 TB of oil on high heat. When the pan is extremely hot, but not smoking, add the meat and cook for 1 1/2 minutes per side.
5.  Transfer the skillet to the oven, and cook for another 5 minutes.  Be sure not to overcook the meat because it will turn tough if cooked too long. You want the meat to be medium rare to medium. You can tell this by lightly touching the top of the meat at the end of the cooking time.  It should be firm but slightly soft.  If they are squishy, put them back in the oven for a minute longer.
6. Once the meat is out of the oven, let it rest for 10 minutes under aluminum foil.
(After the meat has rested, cut the meat against the grain, for more tender pieces and serve with the sauce.)
7.  Make the sauce:   In a food processor, place the garlic and pulse until chopped. Add parsley, oregano, vinegar, oil and salt. Continue to pulse until all the herbs are finely chopped.  Serve with meat and vegetables.