Chicken Wings Just Like Hooters

I saw this picture the other day. The one below, not the one above. Try and focus.It’s a picture of my maternal grandmother and grandfather.I’d never seen a picture of them looking so in love. Look at the way she clings to him. How her head tilts to his in cohesion as if she’s the missing piece to his puzzle. Her ankles intertwined together, as they lazily swing back and forth, like she’s sitting on the docks staring out into the mysterious and ever powerful ocean of life.And he with an ever smug Read more […]

Chicken and Gravy

Today Mr. Woo is sick.I hate it when he’s sick.He is soooooooo boring.If you poke him, he jiggles a little, but only a little.He wears this sad little pouty look on his face, and his jaws droop down like Deputy Dog.  When he opens his eyes, he barely opens them into these tiny little razor slits.Quite honestly he looks downright pathetic.And he’s grumpy, not the least bit amusing, and his eyes run fire red.  Just a lump on a log. A boring, boring, sad looking lump of a hump on a log.He was sick Read more […]

The Elena Ruz Sandwich (Roasted Turkey on 9 Grain Bread with Cream Cheese and Strawberry Jam)

I’m gonna make this short, because . . . .A.) I don’t want my husband to kill me B.) You might be tired of me moaning and whiningC.) I’m tired of me moaning and whiningD.) When your life flashes before your eyes, it isn’t an experience you want to relive over and over again for long lengths of timeFirst let me say, I lurv my husband.  I don’t just love him. I lurv him.  That’s like love to the infinite degree.Secondly, I know I created this beast, with too much talk about girl power. It’s all Read more […]

The Cuban Sandwich

This is me airing my dirty laundry. Well, not the dirtiest laundry. Not my unmentionables.  Just the stuff that needs a quick rinse.  And I’m doing it anonymously for the sake of non-innocent parties. Dear Anonymous,I am very, very, very, mad at you.Maybe I shouldn’t use the word “mad”.  My mother says “mad” is for dogs. And I’m not the dog in this scenario. Not that I’m saying there is a dog in this scenario. But if there were, it wouldn’t be me.So, I’ll just say I’m hurt.  My feelings have Read more […]

The Best Turkey Chili I Have Ever Made

Do you promise to love me forever?Not just until the end of this week.  Or until I stop telling you embarrassing things about my life.F-O-R-E-V-E-R.  Till the end of time. Or at least until the end of General Hospital. THE ENTIRE SHOW. Not just one episode.I feel like I want to take our relationship to the next level.  If you know what I mean. Right now it’s been me writing, and writing, and writing.  Telling silly stories. Grossing you out with bodily excrement. And you’ve been great, leaving Read more […]

Whole Wheat Crock Pot Lasagna

New Year’s Resolution #2 :  To Lose Weight. Maybe. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – So here’s the deal.  My butt giggles. I mean jiggles.  Who am I kidding,click here it probably giggles too. In a related matter: I had pee in the sheets 4 times this week. Not my pee. Other peoples pee. See yesterdays post. The toilet exploded. Guess who had to clean that up. Also, that precious pudding pie that I like to call angel sent from heaven, left this for Read more […]

Quick Tortilla Soup

Childhood is great, but sometimes it can really suck.Like when you have a nightmare, you wake up hot, sweaty, and scared out of your mind. And there aren’t many options.You can eitherA.) Stay in your bed, and hope nothing comes to eat you.orB.) Get out of your bed to go and tell your parents, and hope nothing eats you on the way.Which let’s face it. Neither is a bowl of gumballs. In scenario A, staying in bed will definitely get you eaten or at least eat up your sleepy time, cause ain’t nobody going Read more […]

Thanksgiving Leftovers: Turkey Nachos

This is why I love Christmas.Presents.And despite the fact that every year I grow older, my heart still remains the same. I want presents, and I want lots.Small ones.Big ones.Handmade ones.Expensive ones.Cheap ones.It really doesn’t matter. Because they all elicit the same feeling that turns me into a little girl, that can’t bear to look at a package without shaking it, wondering, and occasionally opening it up and re-wrapping it. I’m not proud.On Black Friday, I took Shelbi shopping so that Read more […]

Turkey 101: With A Chicken

I’m not the type of person to make my children call me M’am. I’m not opposed, I actually rather like the sound of it, in theory.Every now and then, when one of my children loses their damn minds and errantly hollers, “WHAT?!!!” in response to me calling for them, I invoke the “Say yes M’am” rule just to make them squirm a bit and show them the proper and respectful way to address their mother.Then about 5 minutes later, they forget, and so do I and we’re back to Mommy or Mama.But Read more […]

Perfect Halloween Dinner: Black Bean Casserole

It’s Fall in Houston, and that means we still have 90 degree weather.And muggy, thick, air.Oh, and mosquitoes, let’s not forget those.But we also have ranches, and cowboys, and big bales of hay that look like pumpkins.And somehow, I don’t miss the falling leaves, so much.We also have beans. Plenty, plenty of beans.What’s that poem?Beans, beans are good for your heart,the more you eat the more you fart,the more you fart, the better you feel,so eat beans at every meal!But really, beans shouldn’t make Read more […]