When I was a kid, my mom was the bravest woman in the world. She wasn’t afraid of spiders, wild animals, or anything really.
If a crazy looking animal popped on the scene, she’d say, “Don’t worry, and don’t act like you’re scared. You’re bigger than it, just be cool. It’s more afraid of you, than you are of it.”
And usually, I looked at her like she was nuts, and ran and got the heck out of dodge.
But now, in front of my children, I try to be brave. I try to kill spiders without squirming. I try to pick up worms and act as if their wiggly pulsating bodies, bother me not. I try to act nonchalantly as some random smelly dog, tries to topple me over. I really do try.
Which is why, this week for Bring Your Child to Work Day, when I went to meet Mr. Woo and the girls for lunch, I was in my strictest bravado form.
“Time to go feed the fish!,” I say as the girls finish up their lunches of hot dogs, chicken fingers, and tater tots.
They’re super excited, because this is one of their favorite parts of the day. I’ve packed the stale bread in my purse, and the 6 of us head off to the pond to feed the Koi fish.
When we get to the pond, there are an unusual amount of ducks walking around. I dig into my bag, grab the bread and hand it to Mr. Woo. The ducks are immediately alerted and SWARM us. I try not to panic. I don’t want to frighten the kids, though clearly they are thrown off kilter. Little Phoebe is standing a fair distance away from me, next to a duck that is taller than her, and he’s looking her in the eye. She giggles and tries to kiss him.
“Shelbi!” I yell. “Pick up your sister. Hold her tight.” I can hear my mom in my head telling me not to freak out. So I smile, and say, “Isn’t this fun.” Nobody says yes.
|It really did seem like a lot more ducks at the time.|
I hand Mr. Woo the bread. “Walk in that direction. Away from the kids. Throw the bread in the water. Maybe they’ll go in the water after it.” I command.
He does as instructed, but the birds don’t budge, they just continue to surround us more and more. Soledad, my brave heart, runs over to her father and mumbles something about how she can help. I think Warwick hands her some bread, and as bystanders are watching, the ducks consume us and then a blood curdling scream is belted out, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. MOMMMY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH. IT BIT ME! IT BIT ME!”
I look at Warwick and his face has dropped. People are staring, and he mouths, “Nicole. Nicole. It’s bleeding. It bit her.”
He’s looking at me. I’m looking at him. We don’t know what to do.
Visions of rabid ducks, and half eaten fingers flash before my eyes. I’m not really sure what happened next, except that I think I lept approximately 50 feet to the side of my child, and grabbed her and hugged her tight.
Warwick, on the other hand, continues to feed the ducks. Who knows why. Maybe he was delirious. Maybe he was blocking out the pain of seeing his child eaten alive. Maybe it was a valiant attempt to distract the mob of ducks, with the exact same action that caused them to eat Soledad in the first place.
”Stop crying I whispered. It’ll be okay. Please stop crying. Please. Please. Please. I’ll give you a treat. Just please stop crying.” Which I do realize is not the best reaction to this entire incident. It’s just that, she is really loud. And dramatic. And though her finger was bleeding, slightly, it was still attached at the bone. And we were at my husband’s place of work. And I don’t have a job. And I’d like him to keep his, while NOT being known as that man who let his kid’s finger get bit off.
Soon, the screaming subsides, and we move on to another pond with less ducks, and less drama. At the end of the day I asked the girls, “Did y’all have fun going to work with Daddy?”
And in unison they said, “Yes.. . . .. .except for the feeding the ducks part.”
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - — –
YESTERDAY, we were giving away bread, and that didn’t turn out so well.
But TODAY is a new day. And because my Momma taught me to get right back on the horse after I’ve fallen off, I’m gonna try this scenario again.
But only this time, I’m giving away hint water, Smart for Life Green Protein Bars, and VOGA Italia’s Moscato Wine.
And. . .I’m giving it away to you. Because I love you. And I know you would never, ever, ever, bite my baby’s finger off.
And because I think you’re super swell.
So here is what one lucky winner will get in their prize pack.
Retail Price: $1.79 per bottle
Cost To Me: Free
2.) Two – Smart for Life Green Tea Protein Bars.
A deliciously healthy and low calorie protein bar, designed to eat after a workout to help curb post exercise hunger. Healthy and nutritional for the entire family, this crunchy, chewy, bar helps you gain muscle not fat. Only 180 calories per bar, with 18 grams of protein! I liked it. I liked it a lot. It reminded me of a dense Rice Krispy Treat, with a white chocolate coating. A definite treat after working your booty off on the elliptical. Yum!
Retail Price: 6 for $6.99
Cost To Me. Free
3.) One bottle of VOGA Italia’s Moscato Wine.
Light. Crisp. Fruity. Ripe. Smooth. Completely sophisticated, standing tall in a sleek, slender glass cylinder. You’ll love this wine. You’ll love the price. It’ll make you feel posh. Your friends with think your super sexy cool.
Retail Price: $10.99
Cost to Me: Free
HERE’S HOW TO ENTER:
Just answer the following question in the comments section of this post.
Have you ever been bitten by an animal? I want to know all the juicy details. No pun intended.
And just because I’m feeling especially needy today . . . .
Additional Optional Entries:
1 pt. ‘Like Me’ on Facebook
1 pt. ‘Follow Me’ on Twitter
*If you’ve done that previously, just tell me so in the comments (in separate entries) and I’ll hook you up on your points.
Eligibility and End Date:
You must be 21 years of age or older to enter. Open to USA only. Giveaway will close June 22, 2011 at midnight CST. Winners will be announced on Thursday, June 23rd 2011. Winner will be drawn randomly. Winners will be given 48 hours to contact me and claim their prize, otherwise a new winner will be chosen randomly. Please note, entries must be logged on separate comments to count.
Love you guys! Good Luck!
- – - – - – - – - – - -
We have a winner!! Congrats to Ape2016:
I think your kids are so adorable! I haven’t been bitten by many animals…which is odd, given the way strays flock to me. I was bitten by a dog that got overexcited when two kids were fighting near by. Why he bit me and not them, I will never know. I was more upset because I was 16 and all dressed up and when he bit me, he tore my good stockings (yep, when you are 16 you really have your priorities in order). I must say that you were lucky it was ducks instead of geese. Geese= Satan’s minions of the animal world. Very vicious and nasty and capable of scaring the bejesus out of a very pregnant woman who was trying to nicely feed the docile ducks at the lake. My kids and I were, no lie, chased to our car and subjected to assaults you usually have to attend a riot to experience.
Please contact me in the next 48 hours to redeem your prize. Otherwise another winner will be chosen.
Disclosure: This Giveaway is sponsored by Hint Water, Smart for Life Protein Bars, and VOGA Italia Wine. But as always, the opinions are 100% all me, me, me!