Killer Submarine Sandwich

I love my husband. I really do. So when he called me on Saturday morning while I was in the middle of cooking, and told me that he was stranded at the gas station because the car wouldn’t start, I smiled to myself, grabbed my keys and was out the door to save his a**.

So far, it had been a good day. A little rainy outside, gray and cloudy, but to be honest I really like those days best. I wear the gray like a warm comfy sweater, and the droplets of rain like tiny little kisses all over my skin.

I pulled the truck into the Valero, and questioned my husband as to where I should park so that I could, or rather so he could give himself a jump. I’m not afraid to say it, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CARS, AND FRANKLY I DON’T WANT TO!

Anyway, I stepped out of the truck so that he could hook it up, and poke it out, and rev it up some more. He did that about twenty times, before deciding that it was not going to start and he was going to have to push the car into a parking spot.  My stomach started to cringe, because that meant I would have to get into the “Kerplunked” car and guide the wheel while he pushed it. Would I do it correctly?  Would I be strong enough to turn the wheel if there was no power? Would I remember how to drive? Is he going to think I’m an idiot and get a divorce? I’m not kidding, I really had those thoughts.

So with my stomach in knots, pretending to act like I knew what I was doing, I said . . . .

“Okay, push it.  I’m ready.”

Warwick:  “Nicole, put the car in neutral.  Have you ever done this before?”

Me:  “Uuuuhhhh, nooooo. Not everybody has done everything before like you. How was I supposed to know you have to put it in neutral.*fumbles around* “Okay, it’s in neutral.”

Warwick: “Now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay? Then, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. Got it?”

Me: “Yeh, sure.”

Only I didn’t have it. I wasn’t listening to a word he said. I mean, I was listening, I think, but I got distracted. You see, after I put the car in neutral, he was still talking to me, but he was pushing the car at the same time. He looked so muscular and strong, and he was so cute as he was pushing the car with just his brute strength. All I could think was, Now that’s a man’s man. He’s so smart, and he really is very strong. It doesn’t even look like it’s very difficult. I’m so glad I’m his lobster.

And then suddenly, the relaxed look on his face started to change and grow stiffened, maybe even strained. I kept looking into his eyes trying to figure out what was wrong when he abruptly stopped pushing the car, and immediately started yelling.

Warwick: “What are you doing? I said back the car into that space. YOU’RE TURNING THE WHEEL THE WRONG WAY!”

Me: “Well, how was I supposed to know?  You didn’t say back up into the space.”

Warwick: “YES, I DID!!!!”

Me: “Oh well, I thought you meant, ummm ‘back in that space is where we should park it.’ I didn’t know you meant to put the back part in first. WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? YOU SOUND SO MEAN AND RUDE! I DON’T YELL AT YOU WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE!!!”

Warwick:  “Okay, okay. IN. THE. FUTURE. when your car has died and you need to park it in a parking spot, you always want to back it in so that you can jump it if you need to. NOW, turn the wheel the other way so that you can BACK INTO THAT SPOT.”

Me: “Fine.”

And with that, I turned the wheel, and I discovered why he had gotten so ticked off. We were going up a slight hill, and now all of his momentum was lost. Suddenly, he didn’t look quite as strong as he did minutes earlier. His face was strained, his eyes were red, and clearly he was pissed off. He began mumbling some more things at me, but this time, I purposefully wasn’t listening because I was pissed off for no reason.

He looked even more brute with his eyes bulging out of his head, and his veins ready to burst right out of his arms from sheer force. His brow became more pronounced, and his jaw grew lean and sharp.  It was like when Lou Ferrigno turned into the Incredible Hulk, only Warwick didn’t turn green, he just stayed black.  All the same, it was something to see.

Once the car was parked smartly in it’s spot (thanks to me), he reached over and snatched the keys out my hand. Normally, I wouldn’t have let that go without a mention, but this time I thought, I guess I’ll let it slide. I gave him a kiss, followed by a chuckle, and then he smiled back at me.

No, that boy just can’t resist me. I run this booch.

I’ll have him on his knees begging for mercy, especially after he eats this sandwich.
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The Best Submarine Sandwich EVER

Ingredients:

Hoagie Rolls
Mayonaise
Provolone Cheese
Deli Sliced Honey Ham
Deli Sliced Smoked Turkey
Turkey Pepperoni Slices
Lettuce
Tomatoes
Pickles
Mustard

Directions:

1.  Spread mayonaise on both inner sides of the hoagie loaf.
2.  Begin by making a bottom layer of cheese, followed by turkey, ham, pepperoni, lettuce, tomatoes, and    pickles. Drizzle with mustard, and press down firmly. Enjoy!!!

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